Friday, September 16, 2011

Balance

"It feels like you've changed so much,"

It was a genuine and honest remark from a friend, expressing what she felt towards my new look. I smiled and told her that I'm still the same, but somehow - her words echoed in my head even long after the conversation took place.

I wonder if I have truly changed.

Physically, of course I've changed. But then again Allah knows, how many physical changes I've gone through in my lifetime. I started coloring my hair before I even reached puberty, and had my first hold of colored contact lenses as early as high school. I chopped my hair and walked like a boy in high school, acknowledged my feminine side and permed my hair in college, lost half of my weight soon after and experienced many, many questionable fashion days. When Titts visited me for the first time in Melbourne, her jaw dropped to the floor when she realized the colorful clown who came to pick her up was her very own best friend. Hehe.

I've been through numerous changes, more so than I could ever recall. But those changes remain merely physical in nature, and underneath them is still the same girl who laughs a little too much and talks till the cow comes home :) But to say that I am still completely the same after donning the hijab is somewhat hypocritical, when I personally know I don the hijab to change. 

It is my hope and my du'a that donning the hijab would bring about many more changes. 

That the scarf that covers my hair will also cover my heart from harm and my morale from wrongdoings. More than anything I pray that it will remind me to embrace Islam as a whole at all times because we all know it is all too easy to loose grasp on what truly matters in the eyes of Allah.

Sometimes I think to myself, how could I spent most of my lifetime pleasing people without pleasing The only One whose judgement truly matters? I've achieved so many worldly success, it doesn't make sense if I do not make significant attempts to achieve success in the hereafter too. 

I suppose life is not just a balance between work, family and friends. Ultimately, life is a strike of balance between the world and the hereafter, between dunya and akhirat. A truly exemplary soul is one who is able to strike this balance and Allah knows I am far from being one, but at least I could start trying :)

And it is with this in mind that I hope my blog will continuously remind myself to reach this balance.

8 comments :

ikhairul said...

me too :(
i have so many sins...
let's change together eh...

Miasuraya said...

Likes.

Anonymous said...

Truly friends should accept you of what you are now. Not because of who your father is, which school you went to, or what is the color of your hair now.

nihas said...

so proud of u

Anonymous said...

Im not a Muslim but I really enjoy reading ur entry on your sharing and reflection on your religion. All are very genuine and I can feel it really comes from your heart, not just mere words. Thanks for the beautiful sharing...

Toots said...

Lets lets letssss change for the better together insyaAllah! I have great friends who accept me for who I am, bless them!

And thank you Anon for the kind words, I'm really touched that you enjoy my writings. You sound so sincere and nice, it gets me smiling ear to ear :))

Sumaiyyah said...

Salam, Toots.

Hi! Came here from Proudduck. I found this particular post very interesting and truly inspiring. I come from a family that has taught me to wear the hijab ever since I was small, so I'm always interested in reading about how other people come to discover the hijab a bit later in life. I think the experience that you go through must be so much more beautiful, right, because you appreciate the process that you go through more. For people like me, it's something we have become so accustomed to that sometimes we tend to take it for granted. Like never finding out which verse in the Quran instructed women to wear the veil.

Anyway, tq once again for this lovely post! Best wishes from your sister-in-Islam :)

Toots said...

Salam Sumaiyyah, you have such a beautiful name :) I suppose everyone's life story is different and yet best for that particular person because Allah knows what we dont know and Allah is the best plotter

Thank you for the best wishes my dear, I pray for nothing but goodness to come your way! Jazakallah khayr :)