Tuesday, July 19, 2011

One Strike of Event

Earlier last month, I failed one of my CA papers.

It was my first fail in my entire life so naturally, I took it harder than I should.

The lame part was I tried sooo hard to appear cool about the whole thing but who was I kidding right? Not only I had to fork out almost RM2,000 for ONE supplementary paper, I also had to read the textbook all over again and re-sit within two weeks time without study leave *shivers*

The pressure was definitely on.

Everyone could tell that I was depressed in the first few days, my t-shirt might as well read “Depressed Woman on The Go”. Once, I wore two watches on my left arms without even realizing it. On another day, I was reversing my car down the hill when I pressed the pedal full on instead of the brake. Needless to say, there goes my bumper and RM500 worth of cash =(

I don't think it's explainable how one small strike of event could made me feel like my whole life is a country worth of confusion. Some old, long suppressed feelings emerged out of no where and I actually felt helpless of my own feelings. I prayed and prayed and prayed for acceptance on a lot of things, and I prayed that this failure will help me learn so much more than had I passed the papers with flying colors.

Alhamdulillah, despite no study leave - the short time frame actually felt sufficient. Within days I was able to laugh about my failure and talk openly with friends and family. I strengthened my relationship with others and I had more than enough time to reflect on myself, my life and my history before I go to sleep.

If I could reverse the time, I would probably still choose to fail the paper. Hehe. The failure has helped me recognize the more fragile part of me - a part of me that I have long withhold. It taught me things that I would not have learned had I passed the exam.

I guess my point is dear friends, when bugged with problems and obstacles, lets try not to focus on their difficulties. Concentrate instead on the opportunities and benefits that we can still reap out of them because everything happens for a reason. And the beauty of life is such that we determine the reason based on our reactions to what befell us.

When I think back of what had happened last month, it was almost as if the failure helped me turn over a new leaf. And that, in itself is better than passing any exam with flying colors :)

11 comments :

asna said...

agreed..btw, congrats yaa n all d best ;)

Leena said...

Hi. I wanna share something with you... I kinda feel the same too but we are not in the same situation,of course. I went to two interviews as I am a fresh graduate,and it was the first interview ever in my life. I think I hoped too much on the first company that interviewed me, because until now (after 5 days,weekends included) ,the company havent gave me any responds. Its quite frustrating you know, and its bugging me. I know I shouldnt feel give up at all,but the first interview that day gave me biggest impact coz THATS the first company Ive applied. Because of this thing, I think im a failure. :((((

petite girl said...

Dear toots, reading this post reminds me that everyone is actually equal. through ups and downs.inspiring. thank you

Toots said...

thanks asna and pg!

Leena, dont worry - the experience of going through stages of interview in itself is already enriching. God works in mysterious ways, and He will give you a job that suits you the most - even when you have no clue that it's the perfect job for you! Cheer up :)

Glory Bites said...

Hi Toots, i really like to read your entries as they are all very inspiring..especially this one..it is kinda related to what i am facing right now..err except that its not about exam..you really hit the point with this:
"when bugged with problems and obstacles, lets try not to focus on their difficulties. Concentrate instead on the opportunities and benefits that we can still reap out of them because everything happens for a reason. And the beauty of life is such that we determine the reason based on our reactions to what befell us."
that is soooo true! i've learned a lot about life and its meaning thru all the things that happened for the past 3 years..am praying hard that i will persevere and that Allah will shed some light and grant my doas...thank you Toots for your soothing and inspiring words..

-dash-

Kauthar said...

u go girl!definitely one failure will motivate us to achieve 100 successes :D

Miss Mellisa said...

Very inspiring post Toots. I went through the some situations where I feel like a failure too last week. But you're right, "Concentrate instead on the opportunities and benefits that we can still reap out of them because everything happens for a reason. And the beauty of life is such that we determine the reason based on our reactions to what befell us." I feel a lot better now.

Anonymous said...

really love your writing toots!! kudos for another great post and good luck on your exam :D

N said...

this is just perfect Toots.my eyes are still red from crying too much as im typing this (decided to read blogs to distract my mind).

thanks again for such an inspiring entry,it really2 lifts my spirit.

Toots said...

Just when you think you're down and demotivated, God shows us that we're not alone, MashaAllah :)

I'm more than happy if I could help in one way or another - big or small. Pleaseeee don't let sadness overwhelms you! In every hardship there is reward for those who endures, InsyaAllah :)

Anonymous said...

You're grown up, and wiser too. ;) Good luck on your supps exam (if you have not taken it.)